Rage against the Routine
My ADHD brain's dislike of routines
Hi Friends!
I know, I kinda ghosted you! I was feeling pretty demotivated and I couldn’t jump over the mental hurdle parked in my upper right brain.
But I’m back!
Have you ever tried to stick to a routine but you struggled to be consistent no matter how hard you tried?
Like you get super pumped up because you told yourself you’re going to give the gym another go or stick to your nighttime facial or dental routine, but it flops.
Raise a hand if you’ve been there? 👋
Rach vs the Routine
Trying to stick to a routine feels like I’m putting my on-the-go ADHD brain in a cage, that it doesn't want to be in. I know that routines are meant to be helpful but I can’t help but feel restricted and bored with having a daily routine.
I mean, I don’t hate the idea of routines. I would love to be able to be consistent with a routine. It would make such a difference in my life.
Sometimes I forget to do things, I’m demotivated, or I simply procrastinate. But I’m learning to work with my ADHD brain instead of against it.
I am a walking example of organized chaos, it’s my default setting. A routine seems incompatible with my Brain’s operating system.
It’s like giving your pet food that it doesn’t like hoping that it would finish the food on its plate one day.
Bad analogy?
ADHD and Routines
For many people, sticking with a routine helps with productivity, a healthier lifestyle, and their wellbeing.
I think many people with ADHD, including myself, find it challenging to stick with routines because:
We struggle with managing ADHD traits like procrastination, impatience, poor organization, concentration, etc.
Problems with Executive Functions like task initiation, flexibility, planning, and time management.
Co-occurring mental health conditions, like depression, or anxiety.
Procrastination
Procrastination is a symptom/trait of ADHD inattentive type. Procrastination is the main ADHD trait that hinders me from being consistent with a routine.
For instance, I know that I need to maintain a daytime and nighttime facial routine to clear my mild acne. This requires me to follow a step-by-step process of applying a range of cleansers, toners, and facial creams.
In the evenings, I procrastinate to the point of falling asleep so my facial routine goes out of the window.
Some of you are probably thinking “why don’t you do it before you feel sleepy” or “why don’t you set an alarm”.
These are the right questions.
I mean I don’t plan to not do my nighttime facial routine. I would like to clear rid my skin of acne once and for all. My brain just needs the extra push and I’m working on this.
Impatience
Impatience, a symptom/trait of ADHD-Hyperactive Impulsive type.
I’m ashamed to say that I am indeed part of the ‘microwave’ generation. I like to see immediate results of the fruits of my labor.
Before I knew I had ADHD Combined Type, I would read so many self-development books about the importance of forming effective habits and routines in order to be successful.
I would try so hard to implement these tips but they just wouldn’t stick! I’d beat myself up for being lazy and I felt guilty for not trying hard enough.
However, I think a lot of the advice in these books is tailor-made for the Neurotypical brain that doesn’t struggle with executive functioning.
I feel like when ADHDers put ‘effort’ into something, we use all of the power and might in our brains, and we just burn out.
I’m learning to not tie my self-worth to immediate achievements or results. Things take time and in some cases, it’s better to not rush the process.
Routine check
Do I think sticking to a routine would help me manage my ADHD better and achieve my goals? Yes!
Do I see myself becoming a routine robot in order to achieve this? No!
Look, I agree with the benefits of sticking with a routine. But I think as ADHDers, it’s better to quickly discover what doesn’t work for us and pivot to what could. This could save us a lot of time and be drowned in feelings of guilt and shame.
Now, there might be some routines you will need to maintain for various reasons. For example, I NEED to do a better job of my dental nighttime routine of brushing, flossing, and mouth washing. I’ve had 3 root canals this year, and I will need to get 2 crowns in the next couple of months. This is the result of poor dental hygiene over the years which I absolutely need to turn around - dental work doesn’t come cheap, I have the monthly payment installments to prove it!
An alternative approach to being a routine robot could be:
Must-Dos - A maximum of 1-3 ‘must dos’ for the day. You and I both know that having too much on our plate leads to overwhelm or frustration.
Incremental steps - Rome wasn’t built in a day and your routine won’t be either, and that’s ok! Build a routine over time and switch it up.
Daily markers - Instead of creating an overcomplicated schedule, you could make a note of things you’d like to complete in the morning, afternoon, or evening. This allows room for flexibility as you’re not constrained by set timings.
Self Reflection - A routine is great, but maybe it’s worth considering if you actually have the desire/interest to keep up a habit. If not, it might be the reason why you struggle to be consistent, don’t be afraid to let things go.
I’ve made a pledge to myself to try and stick to my ‘Must Dos’. My facial routine, my dental routine, and my prayer/reading the Bible routine.
What pledge will you make? Comment or Tweet me!
Work with what works for you.
Rach with ADHD.
I’ve struggled with creating routine for my whole life, constantly falling off and back into unfulfilling habits. What I have found most helpful are the following:
1. Create ‘anchor habits’ which are those things you do no matter what that give you a sense of achievement. For me, the main one is getting onto my yoga mat every day, even if it’s only for 5 minutes, no matter what time of day it is. I also make sure I drink a glass of water every single morning when I wake up and I am trying to anchor writing in my journal before bed.
2. Make your routine task-based instead of time-based. I have a series of ‘blocks’ I need to work through every day and it doesn’t matter what time I start my day, I just work through those blocks in order. Sometimes it means time is taken away from certain things (depending on work schedule) but once I dropped the reliance on clock time, I find I am able to work through all my blocks most days, which keeps me on track for future days.
3. Meds. Meds have helped more than literally any self-help book or article ever can or will and I will advocate for people to go on meds whenever possible! ADHD meds have been shown to dramatically assist more than 80% of those who take them and getting rid of the stigma around mental health medication is so so so important for our well-being and success!
Ugh. Routines. I'm on the ASD spectrum and I also experience the profile of pathological demand avoidance. Which means as soon as a task, even something I previously REALLY was excited about doing, becomes a necessity or required (say an article I pitched enthusiastically to a website gets accepted) the task suddenly becomes the biggest slog and the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Demotivation on overdrive.
Right now I'm in an experiment with my executive function and other traits. Like if I get enough sleep and am not overstimulated > burntout every day, AND I don't put too much pressure to do anything particular from day to day, what happens? How do I function? How do I feel? Do I get things done? Do I curl up in bed and binge The Ozarks every day? So far it's a bit of both depending how I feel.
I don't know if I'll be running the book writing empire I dream of as this experiment goes on but it is an interesting opportunity to find out who I am and how I function without the expectations of the outside world forcing me into certain ways of living and certain expectations.