Overcompensating because of my ADHD
Hi ADHDers!
Let’s start with a temperature check. How has your year been? Let me know in the comments.
I’m feeling pretty rejuvenated after observing Holy Week and celebrating Easter Sunday. Sometimes I need to sit still and let go of the overwhelm and I managed to do just that!
Am I overcompensating because of my ADHD?
So this is a bit of a weird one but:
Is it just me or has anyone else found themselves overcompensating at times because of their ADHD?
Overcompensate is defined as a ‘make up for shortcomings or a feeling of inferiority by exaggerating good qualities’ (vocabulary.com).
So hear me out.
I don’t really know how to explain it but before I was diagnosed with ADHD Combined Type, I knew I had a few shortcomings here and there.
Especially when it came to school/university and navigating life. But I chucked it up to middle child syndrome, being a maverick or just being super average.
I even bought a bunch of self-development books to make up for my shortcomings. From ‘rich dad, poor dad’, to ‘how to win friends and influence people.’
You name it, I’ve read it!
I am CRINGING so hard now but this is a safe space, right?
Even though I’m now able to identify my struggles by way of ADHD traits/symptoms, I find myself overanalyzing everything I do and don’t do.
Unhealthy, I know.
What do I do
Let’s get into it.
So we know that poor organization skills are a trait of ADHD. This is something I’ve struggled with in daily life and at previous jobs. But in my current role, I’ve been commended for being so organized and always having things in order and sorted out.
I’m always surprised because it legit feels like I’m fighting for my life sometimes. I’m like a Swan, gliding above the surface while my feet are ferociously paddling under the surface.
For me, this has been at the EXPENSE of spending hours on:
Creating spreadsheets, work plans, and lists for myself and others (who don’t even have the time to go through them). I really dislike doing this as I find it mentally painful.
Putting 80% into organizing a project that only really needed 15% effort, left me with less time to work on the actual tasks.
Subscribing to all of these apps/tools made me feel even more overwhelmed.
Can you see how overcompensating for my poor organization skills results in inefficiency, burnout, and stressssssss?
I also like to add that sometimes my overcompensating is also due to imposter syndrome and perfectionist traits.
As an ADHDer, I don’t need all of the above to work in an effective or structured way. But when you work in a team and manage people that need this, you almost have to pull through.
This is one of a few examples, but I can’t pull the rest of my thoughts together so we’ll leave it as this.
Do you have any examples?
What I am learning to do
Not forcing things - Not every system will work for me and that’s ok. I don’t need to do X or Y to prove myself to myself or to people.
Shit happens - I’m probably doing a better job than I think I am. And if there’s a mishap, I’m only human and I have ADHD so it’s bound to happen. It’s not the end of the world!
Making use of the people around me - Delegating to colleagues/friends/family, and asking for advice or help will take the weight off of my shoulders.
I’ll leave you with this:
Look, you’re not a ‘let down’ because you manage your ADHD in a different way. A lot of the time, we ADHDers feel like we need to fall in line with the Neurotypical way of doing things. Even though our way will also deliver the desired outcome. Maybe we should try and get NTs in our lives to try to do some things the ADHD way!
That’s all from me!
Rach with ADHD
My overcompensating thing is that I *hate* being interrupted and usually refuse to chat or joke with coworkers in my office so I don't appear to be slacking (my actual teammates are mostly not in the same office). I also often work like 9 hours, because I know I lost an hour of that to distractions or whatever and I don't feel comfortable charging the company for that hour, so I charge 8.
I am fully aware that neurotypical folks occasionally pause during their paid hours to chat and sometimes round up on their timesheets, but I feel like I have to be above reproach and fully confident in my own work.
I have three digital to do lists at work, just so I can feel comfortable I’m not going to let stuff fall through the cracks. Just today I decided to try a new organisation app for work. I feel the need to keep looking for the perfect organisational tool that will help me work like everyone else. So yeah I guess this resonates!