Do I tell them I have ADHD?

Do I tell them that I have ADHD? I’m pretty confident that this is a question that many of us ADHD’ers have asked ourselves. However, we all end up making a decision that works best for us. Some of us have no issues with telling people and some of us would rather not tell people for one reason or another.

What I’m really nervous about is telling colleagues, new friends, and also dates about my ADHD. Like do I say say “Hello, nice to meet you, I’m Rach and I have ADHD”? Of course not, but you get the gist of it, when do I bring it up?

I recently started a new job this year and things have been going really well. I really like my team and the work I’m involved in. I haven’t told anyone that I have ADHD and I don’t feel like I need to. Am I wrong? Is this something that needs to be discussed with employers?

I’m newly diagnosed so this is all new to me. I’d say I’m performing well but I feel like once I mention that I have neurological condition things will no longer be the same. I wouldn’t want my ADHD to be brought up anytime I made a mistake. Maybe I’m overthinking.

Relationships

I’m terrible at keeping in contact with people. Some people understand, but others don’t and I don’t blame them. I could go weeks without contacting friends, I need to have my own space to just sit and ponder.

This is very tricky when it comes to new friends/associates. The constant need for engagement through texting on a daily basis, hanging out, and face-timing is energy-draining at times. Gosh, I sound like a drag. I get overwhelmed easily especially with messages, notifications and phone calls. There are times when I need to take a step back and go into my own little bubble. If you’re in a similar position, I’ve found that open and honest communication has helped me to maintain some relationships with friends/associates. Although I haven’t told them I have ADHD, I’ve gotten better at communicating that I need some space at times.

Dating. I haven’t dated anyone since my diagnosis this year, but, the thought of “how do I bring this up?” has me puzzled. I probably wouldn’t mention having ADHD on the first date, I think I’d want to get the know the person a little more. I’m not sure whether there is a right or a wrong way to go about it. ADHD’ers, please send any advice my way!

ADHD masking

I read a really good article on ADDitude on why some of us ADHD’ers hide the traits which cause us the most discomfort.

I mask my ADHD by trying to be a perfectionist in order to reduce the likelihood of making mistakes. It’s quite exhausting. I’ve learned that perfectionism doesn’t exist and it’s human to make mistakes. Three things I’m trying to get better at:

• Being comfortable with asking people for help

• Being vocal when I don’t understand something

• Unmasking

Even if I decide not to tell most people about my ADHD, I’m going to try and relieve myself of the burden of masking it all the time.

Thank you all for having a read of this newsletter. I hope this was somewhat relatable and helps you to know that you’re not alone. Together, let’s take the burden off our shoulders and try to unmask.

Rach with ADHD.