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Hi ADHDers! Here’s a personal insight into what it’s like clumsily navigating life with a late ADHD diagnosis! No topics off limits, so are you in?

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ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

How does RSD affect people with ADHD?

Rach Idowu

Sep 1, 2023

Myself sat behind a desk that has a pile of legos on it. My hand is placed on my forehead to demonstrate distress.

Hi ADHDers!

It’s me again :)

Okay so I’ve been raising awareness about ADHD for over 3 years now. And A LOT of people have asked me to speak, write and answer their questions about RSD.

I’ve always shied away from it because it can be uncomfortable to think about and speak about given the emotional effect it has on me.

BUT.

I have taken the plunge and recorded a quick YouTube video that explains:

Emotional Dysregulation and RSD
Examples of experiencing RSD
How RSD affects people with ADHD
Ways I’ve been managing my RSD

Please give it a watch and let me know what you think! ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria below:

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3 Comments

Jordan Moloney

Writes ADHD & me

Sep 11Liked by Rach Idowu

Resonate alot with this. I used to take relationship or job rejection scenarios very poorly. Being aware that it was an ADHD symptom helped hugely, now I try to take a pause before reacting to a rejection (of any sorts) and think is my belief in this situation really true? CBT has helped provide a framework to me for that

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Paul Childs

Writes Letters From Badgers Crossing

Sep 7Liked by Rach Idowu

Thanks for this.

Diagnosed ADHD just last November aged 47.

I've learned a lot about it since then, including some of the interesting ways I had learned to mask or workaround some of my peculiarities that I now know are "symptoms" (a word I hate because I'm not sick, I'm just different).

The one I've never really worked out how to cope with is RSD. Until last year I didn't even know it was a thing. I thought the normal response to one's boss saying "Can I just have a quick word" was to enter an almost debilitating state of anxiety, fearing the worst and then being pleasantly surprised when all thay wanted to say was "Thanks for that thing you did" or "I've got a job I'd like you to do" or even "Have you played the latest Call Of Duty/seen the new Spider-Man film?"

I'd love to say that The Fear Of Rejection is actually worse than The Actual Rejection, but that's not the case in my experience. I was talking to my wife about this and was amazed that her answer to "So when someone tells you 'No' or pulls you up over a mistake you mean you DON'T feel actual physical pain like you've been slapped in the face or punched in the stomach?" was "What the hell are you talking about? That's not normal."

They say ADHDers are people pleasers and often enter service or technical industries where you help folk or fix things. Well, I work on an IT Helpdesk. I go from desk to desk solving people's problems. I'm also known as "the nice one" in the IT department, the one who'll do little extra things, like helping them with their home computers, or personal projects. I'm not really supposed to but I don't like saying "No" and now I understand a lot more about why I am that way.

It's hard work, but I'm learning coping strategies. My line manager is very understanding so when I told him a lot of this, he started messaging me like "I've got a task for you if you could pop into my office" or even "Can you come and see me? Nothing to worry about, I just need to ask about..."

Getting there slowly, but the fear is always lurking.

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