10 Most Common ADHD Faux Pas
ADHDers! Did you know that no one has ever died of embarrassment?
ADHDers, did you know that no one has ever died from embarrassment?
If you have recently been in an embarrassing situation or you’ve made a mistake you cannot stop ruminating about, this too shall pass.
However, I can fully relate to the internal regret, guilt and shame we feel when we make a mistake that constantly haunts us.
In the spirit of normalising ADHD faux pas and to let you all know that you’re not alone, I’m going to share my 10 common ADHD faux pas.
Shall we begin?
🎯 Normalising ADHD faux pas
I used to worry that people would think that I was using ADHD as an excuse, and they wouldn’t understand, so I never bothered to explain.
👉However, I have come to realise that it is much better to explain how ADHD impacts you to people so they know that you care about them, that you are competent at your job and for your own peace of mind.
Explaining that a mistake you made was due to difficulty managing ADHD is not an excuse; it’s a reason.
The people that get it, get it, and the people that don’t, don’t.
My 10 common ADHD faux pas
1. Oversharing 🗣️
There comes a time in the life of almost every ADHDer when you regret oversharing with someone.
Excessive talking is listed as an ADHD Hyperactive-Impulsive type symptom, and boy, does this manifest daily for me.
On the plus side, this has enabled me to easily build a rapport with people and connect with them beyond surface-level small talk.
However, I have often gotten too comfortable, like at work or at formal events, and shared something I should have really kept to myself, which has been used against me.
2. Monopolising the conversation 😬
Having ADHD is fighting the urge to interrupt someone mid-conversation.
Our brain gets overexcited, and we need to blurt out what we want to say in case we forget.
I find that this is rarely a faux pas among friends, but I have been guilty of interrupting people outside of my trusted circle.
I had a RUDE awakening when someone stopped me mid-sentence to tell me that the other person hadn’t finished their point yet, when I jumped in.
I CRUMBLED ON THE INSIDE.
From that day onwards, I have been very intentional about staying tight-lipped and being very meticulous before jumping into a conversation.
3. Forgetfulness 🤦♀️
Poor working memory is an ADHD symptom that many of us fall victim to. I mean, I went from being convinced I was developing early-onset dementia to eventually being formally diagnosed with ADHD.
ADHD forgetfulness is the constant bane of my life, and I can see how it irritates people around me.
➡️Forgetting people’s birthdays, events I was invited to, etc.
➡️Forgetting to do something someone asked me to do, then they remind me when it’s almost too late, and I have to apologise profusely.
4. Time Blindness 🕰️
Some people with ADHD struggle with the perception of time and processing time. Such as not realising how quickly time passes, and not being able to estimate how long something should take you to do.
“Many ADHDers need time to sit around and do nothing until we’re mentally prepared, extra time to get ready and buffer time after a deadline because we are timeblind” - Rach Idowu | @AdultingADHD
🎯 How to manage Time Blindness
Shameless plug of my YouTube video ‘How to Manage Your Time with ADHD and Time Blindness’.
5. Out of sight, out of mind
‘Out of sight, out of mind’ is really on brand for me. If I haven’t seen someone recently, I almost forget their existence. And when they text or call me, it can feel like a chore to respond.
Having ADHD is not realising that you mentally replied to a text, and you did not actually text the person back.
It’s like my brain sorts them into the ‘archive’ folder in my left brain.
Are any of these relatable to you? It can’t just be me
6. Radical candour
I don’t like it whenever my ADHD brain has to work overtime doing backflips to try and soften the truth when people ask me a question.
So sometimes I can be direct, which is a big British faux pas.
If you’re not British, ‘dancing around in circles’ and ‘beating around the bush’ are pretty standard in our daily dialogue.
To be overly direct is to go against the status quo.
7. Ad-hoc f*ck ups 🤷♀️
We’re human, not machines.
We will occasionally mess up, and it’s just a part of life. I feel like we shouldn’t beat ourselves up too much.
Occasional mishaps aren’t limited to people with ADHD, and I think Neurotypicals need to remember that when they try to make us feel crappy about it by bringing up that we have ADHD.
8. Disclosing that I have ADHD in the Workplace
Well, I never thought it was a faux pas. But there was one place I worked where the reaction made me think I should have kept it to myself.
I’ve spoken to many people who have told me that their ADHD has been weaponised against them in the workplace, with some having to quit their jobs or being pushed out.
9. What are your ADHD faux pas? ⁉️
Right, it’s over to you. What are your ADHD faux pas?
I did plan to list 10 faux pas, but I fear I have to keep my 10th one to myself. I can’t let the Neurotypicals in on too much.
Embrace the faux pas
I hope that you all feel better about your recent faux pas.
We give ourselves such a hard time while adulting with ADHD, and we need to give ourselves a little grace. If you haven’t realised, we have a Neurodevelopmental disorder.
So please, give yourself a break from worrying, ruminating and catastrophizing.
It’s all going to be okay.
Be kind to yourself.
That’s all from me,
Rach With ADHD.
*The "losing your train of thought mid-sentence" (forgetting what you were going to say, forgetting words, forgetting basically anything) is peak ADHD form in peri- and full-on menopause, too
Realize/recognize bosses that make you angry on purpose to get immediate boost in energy to task. Seek another emotional response and apply it to your efforts at work. A good tactic is to immediately accept errors and enact counter measures for yourself to control the environment.